Jared Loughner topples Blair in ‘guiltiest people pretending to be innocent’ chart

author avatar by 13 years ago

The man accused of the Arizona shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords has pleaded not guilty to three attempted murder charges, making him the guiltiest man to proclaim his innocence since Tony Blair arrived at the Chilcot Inquiry.

22 year-old Jared Loughner’s not guilty plea in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary has drawn direct comparisons with former UK prime minister Tony Blair’s recent performance at the Iraq inquiry in London.

As one criminologist explained, “The vast, vast majority of people will view both Blair and Loughner as being as guilty as someone who is stood next to a burning building, holding a can of petrol, a lighter, video evidence of themselves setting fire to the building and wearing a t-shirt bearing the words ‘I Burned This Building for Jesus’.”

“Nevertheless, they are both well within their rights to say they didn’t do it, even if everyone knows full well that they did.”

“That’s the beauty of the modern legal system, we can drag out this stuff for dozens of news cycles, regardless of how convinced we are of their guilt on the day it all begins.”

Jared Loughner pleads not guilty

Supporters of Tony Blair have hit out at the comparisons, insisting that Blair’s justification for supporting President George Bush in the invasion of Iraq bears no similarities to Loughner killing 6 people and injuring 13, and then denying it to anyone that will listen.

“One of them is a lying manipulative psychopath, completely detached from reality and reason, and who has put his faith in a higher power who he claims is the only one that has the right to judge him.”

“And the other one is American.”