Millions offer Kenneth Tong place on ‘Managed Euthanasia’ plan

author avatar by 14 years ago

After relentlessly promoting his ‘managed anorexia’ programme to teenage girls on Twitter, former Big Brother contestant Kenneth Tong has been inundated with offers of a place on a free ‘Managed Euthanasia’ plan.

The offers have come from around the world, from followers keen to see Tong take advantage of the benefits offered from a zero-pulse lifestyle.

One Twitter followers posted that the programme offered Tong “All the benefits of a peaceful eternity in the afterlife, without any of the nasty connotations associated with going to a Swiss clinic.”

Another posted, “We have come from all over the world to let Kenneth know that having a zero pulse is both achievable and desirable. There is no excuse.”

“There are millions of disgusting people with incessantly beating hearts the world over, and we just know that Kenneth doesn’t want to be lumped in with them. We’re here to help.”

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Kenneth Tong Managed Anorexia

Critics have said that euthanasia is dangerous, and if not handled correctly it can leave participants alive and well.

However, proponents of managed euthanasia have insisted they will do whatever they can to ensure their programme for Mr Tong is completely successful.

A spokesperson from the group said, “Why bother dealing with a troublesome beating heart that can leave you breathless and sweaty, when just one of our zero-pulse pills can give you eternal serenity and a timeless look that will never fade?”

“Nothing would make Kenneth look better than being zero-pulsed whilst lying down peacefully in a snugly-fitting box.  Let’s make it happen!”