Tory concerns as Lib Dems start displaying signs of independent thought

author avatar by 14 years ago

The coalition government is facing an uncertain future after three more Liberal Democrats were secretly taped by Daily Telegraph reporters displaying signs of independent thought.

Senior Conservatives are expected to meet to discuss the tapes amid concerns that the hypnotic powers of Prime Minister David Cameron’s enormous shiny forehead are beginning to wear off.

“We knew this day would come, but we had hoped it wouldn’t come so soon.” Revealed a party insider.

It is believed that the comments made on the tapes are the first time that any member of the coalition government has used the word ‘fair’ prefixed with ‘un’ or preceded with the word ‘not’

Pensions Minister Steve Webb, told reporters posing as constituents ” Unfair! Not Fair! Unfair! Not Fair!”

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“God, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to say those words. It’s like something was physically stopping me trying to utter them. It felt very strange, like some sort of dream.”

Coalition disagreements

Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osbourne is expected to send an email to all members of the Conservative party in which he will tell his colleagues how free-thinking Lib Dems should be dealt with.

A leaked draft said, “Any Liberal Democrats that show any signs of independent thought must be destroyed before they contaminate the rest.”

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg, who has yet to exhibit any signs whatsoever of thinking of any kind, has sought to reduce tensions between Conservatives and Liberal Democrats by insisting, “What?!”