by A new survey has shown that illegal downloading in the UK is growing, with around 7.7 million people preferring to get their music for free rather than risk having some of their money accidentally end up in the hands of someone like Simon Cowell.
The British Recorded Music Industry (BPI) commissioned research based on internet users’ habits, with BPI boss Geoff Taylor telling reporters, “These downloaders are parasites taking the ice-cold Cristal from our mouths. It’s disgusting.”
The news has been met with little surprise by anyone with functioning ears and a reasonably accurate moral compass.
One music fan told us, “How can I, in good conscience, pay money for some music when I know full well that some of that money might ultimately end up supporting someone like Bono?”
“It’s a risk I’m simply not prepared to take.”
Illegal downloads growing
Another told us, “Given the choice between paying for something, or getting the same thing completely free, is not much of a choice at all. Is it?”
“People talk about it being a crime – at least technically – but taking money from the pocket of someone like Simon Cowell is about as close to a victimless crime as it’s possible to get, surely?”
Music industry spokesperson said, “We had hoped that by now people would have gone off the idea of getting stuff for free, and would be willing give us money for stuff that they could get for free elsewhere.”
“Especially in these trying times where it has become increasingly difficult for music industry executives to maintain a truly opulent lifestyle.”
“I guess that despite the millions we’ve spent on anti-piracy advertising, people have finally realised that illegally downloading a U2 album is about as far from stealing a car as it’s possible to get.”
