Pardew has the experience of being sacked that we’re looking for, insists Mike Ashley

author avatar by 14 years ago

Newcastle’s search for a manager with good experience of being sacked is nearing a conclusion after it was revealed that Alan Pardew will take over as boss in the next 24 hours with a view to being sacked at the end of the season following a successful relegation.

The former Reading, West Ham, Charlton and Southampton boss was among the favourites to take over, and it is believed that he was chosen in favour of Martin Jol who didn’t possess the required record of dismal failure that the Newcastle owner is thought to be looking for.

Pardew was sacked by League One club Southampton earlier this season amid increasing speculation amongst supporters of the South coast club that he was a shit manager, with all the motivational qualities of a yeast infection.

This speculation is believed to have alerted Ashley, who was becoming increasingly concerned at the good job that Chris Hughton was doing, with the 5-1 win over fierce rivals Sunderland prompting him to review the manager’s position.

Alan Pardew Newcastle Manager

Chairman Ashley told reporters, “Alan is just the sort of manager that I want at this club.”

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“I wanted someone that would leave the Newcastle fans open-mouthed with disbelief. Someone that they wouldn’t have even considered a possibility for the manager’s position. Someone who will really get the fans going and set the place alight.”

“I believe appointing Alan will do all of those things and so much more.”

Newcastle fans have been quick to agree with Ashley’s assessment, with one telling us, “I’m speechless, tell me this isn’t true!”

“Right, I’m going to Ashley’s place to set fire to the fat prick!”

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