Hundreds of stranded mid-level executives have insisted that the ‘only travel if you absolutely must’ warnings do not apply to them because if they don’t get to the office, the quarterly figures will be a day late making negligible difference to anyone at all.
A large number of thoroughly unimportant people are now blocking major roads and even some motorways due to the fact they failed to recognise that what they do is completely inconsequential.
With road treatment suspended as a result, road conditions are deteriorating rapidly in some areas because someone in a low-end BMW was somehow convinced their role in a faceless corporation was worth risking the safety of other road users and emergency service workers.
Freezing executive Simon Williams told us, “I had no choice, I don’t think you understand what happens if the figures go into the system a bit late. It pushes everything back by a day. A WHOLE day!
Another told us, “Look, I have a company Blackberry. Do you think they give Blackberry’s to employees whose role is not pivotal to the success of the business, and therefore the economy as a whole?
“Yes my business card has executive at the end of it, why do you ask?”
Executive pricks have also warned against the example that they would be setting if they chose not to make the roads more dangerous for absolutely everybody else.
“What would my employees think?” continued Williams.
“Well, I guess I mean employee. Technically I share her with two other executives – and she only works Wednesdays and Fridays – but it’s still important I set the right example, even if she is from a temp agency.
“Now if you don’t mind, I have to dial into a conference call during which I will contribute nothing useful whatsoever.”