by The UK is still in the icy grip of chaos as the mysterious white flakes that have caused havoc to many areas continue to fall from the sky.
Parts of eastern England and Scotland already under thick layers of the white flakes, while strong winds are likely to cause drifting of the mystery substance, forecasters say.
There is much speculation as to where the icy flakes are coming from, with the Church of England dismissing claims by scientists that it is precipitation falling from clouds in the form of ice crystals, as “witchcraft”.
“It’s common knowledge that thunder is God’s tummy rumbling and that rain is him crying, so our own research has shown that these white flakes must be as a result of God having a flaky scalp.” Said one leading theologian.
UK Snow
43 year-old Christine Goddard, who runs a shop selling bucket loads of tat, believes the icy flakes are as a result of something more sinister than the dandruff of an omnipresent super-being passing judgement on our every movement.
“It’s got to be terrorists,” She insisted.
“Christmas is the time of year for buying complete tat, and it seems obvious that terrorists will want to disrupt our tat-buying at all costs.”
A government spokesperson has revealed that they are working all hours to try and determine the cause of the flakes.
“Hopefully we can find out what they are, and where it’s all coming from.” said an Environment Agency official.
“If we can solve this mystery then hopefully we won’t get caught out next time they mysteriously appear.”
“Maybe.”
