Kabul inundated with Glaswegian refugees

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After news that Kabul is now safer than cities like Glasgow, the Afghan capital has been inundated with Scottish refugees seeking political asylum from a despotic British regime.

Nato official Mark Sedwill said the Afghan capital, as a “city of villages”, and was a better environment for youngsters to grow up in than any city found on the west coast of Scotland.

Sedwill continued, “People will point to the violence, the drug trafficking and the religious zealots intent on imposing their way of life on everyone around them, but I would just tell them to leave Glasgow and try Kabul instead.”

“Sure, there are still a few issues, but at least it you get a bit of sunshine here, and you can understand what most of the locals are saying.”

“I’ve never been threatened with a pint glass in Kabul, I’ll say that much for it.”

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Kabul safer than Glasgow

The queue of Scottish asylum seekers arriving at Kabul airport has stretched local authority resources to breaking point, and raised the possibility of rejecting many applications simply because they can not cope.

Fraser Donald told Afghan immigration officials, “Please don’t send me back! The government wants to take away my freedoms and potentially imprison me, just because I won’t go and do a bit of litter picking.”

“I am in genuine fear for the freedom of me and my family to sit around doing nothing all day.”

Some have already had their asylum applications approved, with Dougal McDonald telling us, “This morning I’ve been shot at twice, and had to run to avoid a couple of IEDs, so yes, I’m feeling much safer here already.”

“I’d recommend it to any Scots considering the move.  Just bring plenty of sun-cream.”