Upon hearing news that the new Beyonce perfume advert has been banned for being too sexually provocative, every man alive has found an excuse to take his laptop to a quiet room.
The Advertising Standards Agency said they received complaints from 14 women who look nothing like Beyonce, who claimed that it was inappropriate viewing for husbands and boyfriends.
As result, the advert for her first perfume, Heat, is no longer allowed on television before 7:30pm.
Male viewer Shane Williams told us, “The ad contains prolonged shots of her dress slipping away, to reveal partly exposed breasts and… you know what, it’s probably easier if I just show you on my laptop.”
“Yes, that’s it. The link at the very top of my bookmarks list.”
Beyonce banned advert
The ad has invoked the little-known ‘Frankie Goes to Hollywood’ law of the universe, which dictates that people will stop at nothing to see or hear something the very second they are told they are not allowed to.
Across the country, men are telling their partners and work colleagues, “This is research, I need to make sure if I need to block it so my kids can’t see it.” and “Yes, I always take the laptop to the bathroom.”
The marketing team working on Katie Price’s 47th perfume are considering a similar marketing ploy, by creating an advert in which Price is seen to acrobatically rut with her cage fighting husband.
An ASA spokesperson said that such and advert would be allowed, explaining, “Those two having sex would technically fall under ‘wild-life documentary’. It wouldn’t be ‘sexual’ in even the loosest definition of the word. We could show that at any time.”
Not all viewers are happy with the ASA stance on the Beyonce advert, with 28 year-old Wayne Terry particularly unimpressed.
“Oh it’s rubbish, I could barely thumb out a stiffy. And trust me, I’ll wank to anything.”