Men have once again attained bragging rights over women in the battle of the sexes after a study revealed that they are much better at dying than women.
As well as being more efficient at contracting a number of critical illnesses, men are also more likely to violently end their own life, either in a really exciting road traffic accident with awesome explosions, or intentionally via a thrilling suicide.
“In your face, ladies!” gloated 23 year old Luke Roddy from Swindon.
“Not only are men more likely to get cancer than women, they are also more likely to die from it. What have you got to say about that, losers!”
Nicola Peckett, of Samaritans, said it was still unclear why men where streets ahead of women when it comes to dying in every single way possible.
“Women aren’t very good at ignoring signs of illness and they’re absolutely useless when it comes to bottling up their feelings, infact they rarely talk about anything else.”
Men Dying more easily
A spokesman for the Men’s Health Forum spoke triumphantly about the findings, “As a group, men out-drink and out-smoke women and, what’s more if we try and kill ourselves, we tend to get the job done.”
“None of that soppy ‘cry for help’ rubbish that women mess about with.”
“To put an absolute number on it, almost 100,000 men – which would be enough to fill all of the British Army full-time posts – are dying prematurely each year.”
“And still woman insist they are our equals. Pathetic.”