UK prisoners to be given X Factor vote

author avatar by 14 years ago

Convicted prisoners throughout the UK will get the right to vote on the outcome of this year’s X Factor, the government is expected to announce later this week.

The European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) has raised eyebrows with its ruling in favour of UK inmates, but stressed the ruling only applies to those prisoners intending to vote for Wagner.

The government has been advised to allow prisoners of a Wagner persuasion access to a phone during the broadcast to ensure they can register their support, or face further recriminations.

There is concern amongst prison management that those who had no previous interest in the show would now demand the right to vote, and could skew the voting figure’s in favour of the depressingly hirsute tone-deaf lothario.

William Finch of the Prison Service said, “It’s a very real concern to us that prisoners may just be calling up and voting willy-nilly with no real knowledge of the man they are voting for, or what he stands for.”

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“Wagner, in our opinion, has more chance of ending up HM Belmarsh, than winning X Factor.”

Prisoner voting rights

The government is said to be disappointed at the ruling, with Whitehall insiders insisting that giving prisoners a vote makes a complete mockery of the show’s mock voting system.

Simon Cowell said he was impressed with the campaign conducted by prisoners across the land, particularly Graham Tucker, who worked tirelessly to ensure the matter was brought before the courts.

“This just goes to show the impact that criminals can have on society if they get the backing of a few publicity hungry shills,” Cowell said.

“Just because they’ve committed a crime shouldn’t stop them contributing to the unstoppable force that is my ego, and 70,000 extra votes means I can buy a new pair of handmade shoes with which to crush the dreams of various reality show morons.”

Number 10 were unavailable for comment.

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