People who spend their time either exercising or harping on about how healthy they feel because they exercise regularly, have been given a further reason to be smug after researchers revealed that regular exercise makes you less likely to get a cold.
The nation’s unhealthy majority, who struggle to get up the stairs without stopping halfway for a breather, have greeted the news with disdain.
“I have to sit down to put my socks on these days,” groaned 40 year old Tom Morrison from Gillingham.
“All I need is for some twat like Brian from accounts telling me about how he got up a six, went for a 5 mile run, drank a bucket of dolphin’s piss and did 1000 push ups while balancing his children on his back.”
“Now I’m going to have to put up with him boasting about how he’s discovered the secret to eternal life.”
Professor Steve Field, chairman of the Royal College of General Practitioners has issued a warning to people who can’t shut up about how invigorated they feel every second of every bloody day.
“It’s true that regular exercise can make you 50% less likely to get a cold, but it can also increase the possibility of physical attacks from people whose idea of exercise is wearing a tracksuit to the pub.”
“Luckily they’ll probably have to take a nap before they do too much damage.”