As the new Dutch coalition government moved to ban tourists from entering Amsterdam cafes serving marijuana in an attempt to clean up the city, tourists have said they will just have to pass the time with the city’s numerous prostitutes instead.
A condition of the coalition government stipulated that cafes serving marijuana must become private members clubs, effectively barring any tourist hoping to get off his tits.
A spokesperson for the new coalition explained, “Amsterdam has gained international notoriety for its sex industry and drug use, and obviously the bit of that which needs attention first is the drugs bit.”
“We welcome the hoards of male tourists who come here to have sex with our world-class prostitutes, but we find abhorrent the thought of them sitting down in one of our cafes to enjoy a quiet joint.”
“This is not the image of Amsterdam that we are trying to cultivate. Fornicate with sex workers, yes, sitting down for a quiet smoke, absolutely not.”
Amsterdam marijuana ban
Tourists planning trips to the Dutch capital have been left disappointed by the announcement, claiming they will have no choice but to console themselves by paying for copious amounts of sex with heavily protects eastern European girls.
Dave Williams, 27 told us, “We’ve been planning this trip for months, and now we’re told that we’re unlikely to get into any coffee shops to sample any of their weed.”
“It’s almost like they want us to be paying for more sex with heavily-protected eastern European girls.”
Resident Willem Schepers has backed the plan saying, “I am sick of seeing slightly sleepy looking tourists giggling like idiots. It is much better that we stick to having our streets filled drunken sex-crazed tourists.”
“Which as everyone knows are the best type tourists imaginable.”