Blackburn fans offered replacement ‘watching grass grow’ season tickets

author avatar by 14 years ago

Blackburn football club have begun offering a new ‘Watch The Grass Grow Instead’ season ticket, aimed at supporters who want to enjoy visits to Ewood Park but do not wish to suffer the painful experience of watching Sam Allardyce’s team attempt to play football.

A club spokesperson said, “We see this as a unique opportunity for the people of Blackburn to support a team where they love everything about the club  – except the team itself.”

“They can still enjoy our replica shirts, the walk to the ground, they can sit in their favourite seats and look out onto the pitch confident their afternoon won’t be ruined by a bunch overpaid hackers scything through anyone in a different coloured shirts.”

Lifelong fan Wilf Barton, 82, said, “I love it. I hugely enjoy the experience of being at Ewood park, but this way I don’t have to sit through Sam Allardyce’s barbaric excuse for football.”

“I can sit here for hours watching the grass grow.  Sometimes a pigeon will land on the pitch.  It’s the most enjoyment I’ve had in this stadium in over a year.”

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The scheme has so far been a huge success, with a club spokesperson explaining, “We’ve sold 26,000 ‘watching grass grow’ season tickets, so no matter what people say, Big Sam has been a commercial success at this club.”

“There are people in this world that can sell ice to the eskimos, but Sam can make Blackburn fans willingly pay cash money to watch grass grow. He’s a special talent all right.”

Wilf Barton concluded, “I’m heading up there for a midweek grass-cutting this afternoon, and I have to tell you I’ve not felt this excited about a visit to Ewood Park since Kenny Dalglish joined us.”