63 year-old Sir Elton John finally sounds like 63 year-old man

author avatar by 14 years ago

Sir Elton John has finally begun to sound like a man of his age after describing today’s songwriters as “pretty awful”, claiming that you can’t hear the words, and asking “How are you supposed to dance to that racket?”

The singer told the Radio Times “It all sounds the bloody same. It’s just boom, tish, boom, tish, boom, tish the end.”

“In my day songs were songs. These days you can’t hear yourself bloody think, never mind hum a bloody melody in a sequinned jacket and glasses that cost more than your house.”

His comments, similar to those heard in Post Offices around the country, have rocked the music industry as they try and make music aimed at teenagers more accessible to old men.

One music producer explained, “One thing I guess that we’ve previously ignored, and should probably look more closely at, is how to make music that teenagers will enjoy but that will also be attractive to 63 year-old men who are good with colours.”

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“It’s a challenge certainly, especially now that Elton is just one minor racial slur away from being my grandad, which is sort of appropriate considering he’s a year older than him.”

Elton John

Sir Elton also defended his decision to perform at the wedding of homophobic right-wing US talk show host Rush Limbaugh.

He told the Radio Times, “It’s like I’ve always said, I’m not confrontational.  I’m a builder of bridges, a knocker-down of walls, a happy-accepter of one million dollars.”

“Yes, they asked me to be a judge on X Factor, but frankly they couldn’t find a room big enough to hold the egos of myself and Simon Cowell.”

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