Newly-weds to be reclassified as ‘pre-divorced’

author avatar by 14 years ago

The results of a new survey has led authorities to suggest that couples still within the first three years of their marriage should now be known as ‘pre-divorced’.

The survey indicated people are getting married for the hell of it and that most marriages are now shorter than the average X Factor winner’s pop career.

Trevor and Simone spoke openly to researchers about their marriage, saying, “Yeah we fell in love, got pregnant, then came the mortgage but we soon discovered that we despised literally everything about each other.”

“She’d keep the toilet seat down and would never send me flowers on our anniversary.” said Trevor, 24.

“It’s a bit of a shame because we still haven’t spent all the vouchers we got as wedding presents, I guess we’ll just pass them on to the next of our friends to become pre-divorced.”

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Divorce Rate

Religious groups have criticised the findings, claiming that increasing numbers of people ignoring the sanctity of marriage highlights a further deterioration in society’s moral fabric.

Father Seamus O’Donnell told reporters, “Marriage is not a club you can cancel your membership to whenever you feel like it, it’s a sacred institution to be suffered right up until the point that one of you dies.”

“The sooner we no longer have to put up with all these happy go-lucky divorcees going around enjoying themsevles, the sooner God will stop sending down people like Katie Price to punish us.”

“Honestly, it’s all your bloody fault.”

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