Man impaled on toothpick blasts reform of health and safety laws

author avatar by 14 years ago

A man who narrowly avoided death after becoming impaled on a toothpick has hit out at plans to reform the health and safety laws, insisting that relaxing the laws would put his life in danger.

29 year-old Richard Young, who became impaled on the toothpick in a buffet-related incident involving cheese, pineapple and an electric hammer, insisted “accidents can happen at any time.”

“I put myself at risk of injury on an almost hourly basis.”

“If I hadn’t the read guidelines in a health and safety leaflet entitled ‘How to avoid penetrating your brain while carrying out what might appear to be the simplest of tasks’, then I’d probably be dead.”

“Or at the very least confined to the sofa watching endless injury claim adverts on daytime TV.”

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Health and Safety

Nicola Webster, whose husband was decapitated during a game of conkers, has also criticised the plans.

“My husband might still be here today if he had read the health and safety booklet entitled ‘Why you shouldn’t pack conkers with dangerous explosives!'” she sobbed.

“I fear for the future, I really do.”

Other people to voice their concerns over the changes include TUC general secretary Brendan Barber, who said.

“I’m in a pancake race next week and the forecast is for rain! What the hell am I supposed to do if a thorough risk assessment hasn’t been carried out?!”

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