Jeremy Kyle incident leads to calls for razor sharp envelopes

author avatar by 14 years ago

After an envelope thrown by an angry moron which struck Jeremy Kyle on the head was shown to have caused no lasting damage, there have been calls to for envelopes everywhere to be made from razor sharp metal sheets.

A ‘guest’ on the show threw the envelope at Kyle after a DNA test proved he was the father a child with some skank he’d been hanging around with.

Television viewer Donald Williams said, “We simply can’t run the risk of this type of brilliant incident happening again, and of Jeremy Kyle being left completely injury free.”

“Had we known that someone was going to throw an envelope at him at that very moment, I’m sure we could have spent a few years ensuring every envelope in the country was made of the same stuff from which they make samurai swords.”

“It’s things like this that convince me there will never be time travel – surely this would be the number one moment you’d come back and change for the good of society? Baby Hitler could wait.”

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Safety campaigners have admitted that although it might seem like a dangerous plan, it does have significant benefits.

Safety advocate Sheila McCann said, “I admit that we’re probably going to see a rise in the number of postmen and women who lose fingers delivering the mail.”

“But think of the damage it would do if another of Jeremy Kyle’s well-bated morons takes one and throws it in his direction.”

“It could literally decapitate him. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”