Friday 1 October 2010 edited 12th March 2014

Minimum wage becomes slightly less insulting

The national minimum wage has risen thirteen pence to £6.50 an hour, ensuring that anyone being offered the new rate should be marginally less insulted than they would previously have been.

Also , for the first time fully grown adult people with proper jobs who happen to have only lived for 21 years will benefit from the fractionally improved rate.

The government has also introduced a minimum wage for apprentices for the first time, of £2.50 an hour, to ensure they can know what it would have been like to serve an apprenticeship in the seventies.

Shop worker Derek Smith said, “A nineteen pence an hour increase is not to be sneezed at.  I mean that literally, it barely covers the cost of one tissue an hour, so sneezing is definitely off the agenda.”

Minimum wage

However, the British Chambers of Commerce (BCC) has warned the government about further rises which would prevent their members exploiting people desperate for a job.

“Given the opportunity we could find people to work for about a pound an hour for some of our most rubbish jobs, so we’re really paying through the nose for some people.”

“That’s no way to build a business.  Everyone know you don’t motivate staff by begrudgingly giving them a government mandated minimum.”

“You do it by paying them less than that.  Quite a lot less, hopefully.”

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