I only want to see gays I don’t fancy, insist straight viewers

author avatar by 14 years ago

A study has shown that the BBC have made “great progress” in their portrayal of gay people, despite one in four people being likely to get a bit of sick in their mouth, or in extreme cases run screaming in terror, if they see anyone on the TV acting a bit ‘gay’.

The study, which was commisioned by the corporation after criticism from gay equality charity Stonewall that ordinary gay people were almost invisible on the 20 programmes most watched by the young.

They questioned 2,000 adults, 18% of which said they throw a blanket over the TV and put their fingers in their ears if any scenes showed “emotional and physical intimacy”.

“If I turn on the TV then I want to see a realistic portrayal of society that doesn’t include homosexuals,” explained a trembling Anthony Gitley.

“If the plot does include a gay, then they should be shown as predatory perverts, or mentally ill and definitely bound for Hell.”

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“The thought of grown men joined in some sordid daisy chain of sodomy, their muscular frames glistening with sweat as they explore each other’s bodies, probing, licking, thrusting, thrusting! thrusting!!…….erm, makes me sick to my stomach.”

Gays on TV

The BBC had previously been criticised for relying too heavily on stereotypes, something which many respondents believe the BBC should embrace.

“John Inman and Larry Grayson are exactly the kind of homosexual that TV should show.” said Bernard Maddman.

“I can laugh at them, safe in the knowledge that I could probably beat them to within an inch of their lives, should I need to.”

“It’s not fair that gays should act normally, as it might mean that I inadvertantly come into contact with them without ever realising. The sneaky bastards”