by Microsoft today launched Internet Explorer 9, the company’s latest attempt to drive endlessly frustrated Internet users to the brink of suicide.
IE9, as it is being referred to by those who actually plan to use it, has been built on a long track record of horrifyingly painful browsing experiences offered by its predecessors.
A spokesperson for the product team explained, “This is a huge opportunity for web developers who’ve been milking customers to build websites that were compatible with browsers that work, and also with IE6 and IE7.”
“Now they can charge those same services again to make it work with IE9. It’s win win for everyone – well, except the user, obviously.”
“Of course, there is a very slim chance that it might actually work as intended, which still won’t convince those Internet users who know what they’re doing to switch back to it. Yes, we are relying on the idiots.”
Internet Explorer 9
Internet Explorer still dominates the browser market, mainly thanks to an Internet population dominated by slack-jawed mouth breathers.
One long-time IE user explained, “Sure, websites don’t look like they’re supposed to, and my computer is getting hacked ALL the time, but seriously, do you expect me to try another browser?”
“I’m quite happy suffering a terrible user experience, after all, I only look at YouTube, Facebook and bigwobblybits.com.”
“Look, if it gets to the point where I’m considering killing myself because I can’t do what I want to do on the Internet I’ll consider Firefox or Chrome, Ok?”
