Please, please don’t blow up Big Brother house, nation tells Al Qaeda

author avatar by 14 years ago

According to middle-east television channel Al Jazeera, terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has been sent thousands of anonymous letters and information packages outlining in great detail the easiest way to blow up the Big Brother house.

The house, which now contains the biggest names from the show’s ten-year history has been placed under protection in case a terrorist atrocity were to take place causing vast swathes of improvements to the lives of every single person not in the house.

A letter sent to the Al Jazeera news channel was read out on air, claiming that “the house now contains all of the most annoying TV celebrities from the last ten years, well, those that aren’t already dead, anyway.”

“So please find enclosed a map of how to get there, details of the security arrangements and twenty-five pounds towards your expenses.  Use something which includes a fireball, please.”

“You would be striking a blow against the decadent heart of the western godless infidels, whilst also immeasurably improving current British television output.”

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Despite the security concerns, a police spokesman explained that they are doing everything in their power to ensure the safety of the Big Brother residents.

“There is nothing to worry about, the house is well protected, except between the hours of 2am and 6am during which time any attack would definitely succeed in gaining the sort of attention any right minded terrorist group is looking for.”

“The Big Brother house is our nation’s Twin Towers, and it’s loss would probably mean the collapse of our entire nation and way of life. Definitely.”

“But if an attack were to take place during those hours we’d just have to put it down to being ‘one of those things’.  That’s between 2am and 6am, for clarification.”