‘Make it look suspicious’ is chapter ten of suicide textbook, says David Kelly Pathologist

author avatar by 14 years ago

The pathologist leading the inquest into the death of weapons inspector Dr David Kelly has claimed that making your death look really, really suspicious is straight from chapter ten of the suicide textbook.

Nicholas Hunt said the scientist’s death, which came after he was exposed as the source for a story on Iraqi weapons capability, was a “classic case of making your suicide look like it wasn’t suicide”.

He continued, “Chapter ten of the suicide textbook deals exclusively with creating an air of mystery around your suicide, and making it look like you were actually murdered by secret government operatives looking to cover any tracks from the run up to an illegal war in the middle east.”

“And I have to say that Dr Kelly did such a sterling job that he could have written the chapter himself. He was clearly very talented.”

David Kelly suicide

Mr Hunt went on to explain that creating incongruous situations is the first section of the chapter on mysterious suicides, and essential if you want to make it look like someone killed you but tried to make it look like suicide.

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He said, “You know, hang yourself from a position you couldn’t have got to if you were alive, strangle yourself with your bare hands, or like Dr Kelly – slit your wrists but don’t leave any blood pooling – that sort of thing.”

“But most of all, try and ensure there is a significant motive for some powerful people to want you dead, something like putting an entire government administration behind bars is ideal, for example.”

“The most important factor outlined in this chapter regards fingerprints, and being spectacularly careful not to leave any of your own on the weapon you use to kill yourself.  That’s the sort of attention to details which makes his suicide a real humdinger.”

“Like I said, Dr Kelly’s suicide was absolutely text-book.”

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