The 33 miners trapped underground in Chile have asked rescue workers to take their time digging them out as they are in no hurry to return to the surface whilst the current series of the X Factor is ongoing.
Early indications were that the miners could be brought to the surface before the shortlisted contestants visited the supposed holiday homes of the judges, but this speculation has been swiftly quashed by those involved in the rescue attempt.
A Chilean rescue worker told reporters, “It’s not so bad down there. They have clean-ish water, some basic food, and an absolute guarantee of never accidentally hearing Simon Cowell’s opinion on anything.”
“To be honest, they’re more concerned about the mental well-being of those of us with access to British television, than they are for their own safety. They’re coping really well.”
“Sure, they don’t get to see the sun at any point and they’re living in perpetual fear of a tunnel collapse, but they’re quite happy with the situation as long as those of us up here promise not to look at any X Factor clips on YouTube.”
It is expected that the preparation of the 26 inch diameter hole required to safely remove the miners is unlikely to completed before the X Factor winner launches their saccharin-fuelled chart assault for the Christmas number one spot.
The rescue worker continued, “The miners face a tough decision. Do they spend Christmas underground in a pokey space with thirty-two other miners, or do they go home to their families and risk seeing the gurning features of whichever production-line automoton Simon Cowell has chosen to manipulate this year plastered all over the media.”
“They are planning to hold a vote on whether to stay underground until New Year sometime in the next week or so. I’m sure it will be close.”