After Joe Cole added a missed penalty to his red card and court appearance from his first few weeks as a Liverpool player, manager Roy Hodgson has begun frantically looking for his receipt and the details of Chelsea’s returns policy.
Despite Liverpool’s 1-0 victory against Turkey’s Trabzonspor in the Europa League qualifiers, Joe Cole has once again shown that perhaps Carlo Ancelotti is not the idiot people assumed him to be.
Hodgson this morning put the famous Anfield Boot room to work in locating the missing Joe Cole receipt, which was believed to be in Hodgson’s wallet alongside the card explaining who he is and where to return him if he’s found during one of his ‘episodes’.
However, Chelsea officials have been quick to anticipate any attempt to return Cole, explaining that they are not Argos, and Cole is not a faulty juice maker.
A spokesperson explained, “Chelsea football club operates a strict no swapsies and no returnsies policy on all outgoing transfers.”
“If we didn’t, we’d still be playing Andriy Shevchenko and Juan Sebastian Veron. Once you take them, you’re stuck with them. It’s buyer beware – sorry.”
Joe Cole Transfer
Liverpool fans are already beginning to suspect that Cole is an undercover agent designed to ruin the league title challenge which was definitely on the cards, rather than a vastly over-rated player brought in by a manager who once paid real cash money for Damien Duff.
However, Chelsea fans have been quick to respond to the accusation, claiming it is absolutely nothing to do with them and Hodgson took Cole off their hands of his own free will.
One explained, “Let us not forget that this is a man who wanted England’s World Cup campaign to be spearheaded by Bobby Zamora. Let that sink in for a minute.”
“It’s almost as if Carlo Ancelotti – a manager with 12 trophies to his name, including the top club tournament in the world – actually knew what he was doing when he let Joe Cole leave for free.”