Rich children are better off than poor children, conclude road safety researchers

author avatar by 14 years ago

A study carried out by road safety researchers has concluded that wealthy children who play in a nice garden away from traffic are less likely to be hit by a car than poor children who play in the road outside their tenement building.

A spokesperson for Road Safety Analysis, who carried out the research said “We found that people who live in London’s wealthy borough of Kensington and Chelsea are significantly better off than people who live in Preston.”

“This means the wealthier children have nice big gardens for children to play in and better cars with which to transport their children from piano lessons to horse riding classes.”

“Whereas the poorer child will regularly run along a major A road kicking an empty dog food can whilst pretending it is the new football which the premier league has convinced them they absolutely must have.”

“I think these findings send a clear message to the government that it should be their number one priority to make everyone incredibly rich.  Preferably this year.”

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Experts have welcomed the findings, claiming that they set a new Olympic standard in stating the bleedin’ obvious.

Professor Bertrand Humf, who is well known for carrying out years of research to determine the religious persuasion of the Pope, said, “I recently carried out a study into the possible dangers of using sulphuric acid as a mouthwash.”

“The results were inconclusive, but I think there can be no doubts after the work of Road Safety Analysis, that children who live in affluent areas are at an advantage to children that live in more deprived areas.”

“Someone should probably look at doing something about that.”

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