Thursday 5 August 2010 By Beetleboy

Ahmadinejad recovering well from attack that definitely didn’t happen

Iran last night angrily denied there was an assassination attempt on president Ahmadinejad, laying the blame for an attack that definitely didn’t happen squarely at the feet of Western imperialists.

A conservative Iranian website had said an explosive device was thrown at his convoy in the western city of Hamedan, where he was to deliver a speech later that day telling everyone how wonderful he is.

A spokesman for the Iranian government said, “No such attack took place. This is a blatant fabrication by the western media on behalf of those wishing to destabilise the ‘sort-of’ democratically elected government of Iran.”

“This was a very peaceful visit to the region by the president, who is extremely popular in this part of Iran. And also, this attack that didn’t happen was planned and carried out by the great Satan, Barack Obama and his ally David Cameron.”

“But these puppets of the Devil himself must understand that the Islamic Republic will not be intimidated by these attacks on our almost democratically elected representatives, even when they haven’t happened.”


The Iranian spokesperson went on to outline the steps being taken to ensure that there would be no a repeat of an attack that didn’t even happen.

“To illustrate our defiance, we shall stone to death a few widows who have possibly looked in the direction of a man, thereby committing the heinous crime of adultery – this will teach the unholy dogs in the West a lesson.”

“But as I stated earlier, no such attack took place, and the president has now been discharged from hospital having fully recovered from the ordeal that never happened.”

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