The BBC has announced that Christine Bleakley will be replaced on the One Show sofa by Alex Jones, someone who is, to all intents and purposes, Christine Bleakley.
TV presenter Alex Jones will ensure the show retains the same number of teeth, wide smiles and provincial accents as it always has done.
Producers of the show told reporters, “It is hoped that the vast majority of viewers won’t even notice the difference, except to wonder why Christine Bleakley now sounds like she is from Cardiff.”
“Also, we will not be allowing Alex Jones to meet any footballers, in case she starts getting ideas above her station.”
“To avoid any confusion on set, we have also inserted a clause in her contract where she will be known as ‘Christine’ for the duration of her time with us.”
New One Show host Jason Manford said, “After meeting so many potential co-hosts, Alex felt almost exactly the same as Christine, even laughing at all my jokes in the just the right place.”
“Short of developing some sort of genetic clone, Alex is about as close to Christine as it’s possible to get, and I’m sure the viewers will be as happy with that as I am.”
“In fact we’ve already had several excited emails from a viewer called Lank Frampard who seems extremely keen to see her in action.”