Liverpool fans have celebrated the signing of England’s Joe Cole by drawing lots to see who will be the first lucky person to rob his house during an away game.
Cole, who signed a four-year contract after eating several Wurther’s Originals given to him by new manager Roy Hodgson, is said to be excited by the opportunity to test the most up to date security systems money can buy.
He told reporters, “I’ve come here for the challenge. I could have stayed in London and picked up my wages knowing that my house would barely even get a passing look.”
“But I’ve come here to test my security systems against the best burglars in the business – and what better place to do that than Liverpool?”
“I’m confident in my ability to secure my property, and I expect to prove the manager right by repeatedly showing that ability over the next four years.”
There has been delight around Anfield at the capture of Cole, a player who has ignited the imagination among all fans, both you and old.
As one fan put it, “This is a great signing for Liverpool, a real marque signing. He’ll be bringing with him lots of fancy London gadgets which will be worth an absolute fortune on the black market.”
“After the dark days of Rafa Benitez who seemed to only buy players whose houses were filled with straw donkeys, this is a new dawn. A new dawn filled with lots of stuff with significant resale value.”
“Now, when is Liverpool’s next away game again?”