In a move that is fooling absolutely nobody, Robbie Williams has rejoined Take That, pushing Jason Orange back to the position of everyone’s fifth-favourite band member, a position he hasn’t occupied since the band was reduced to four members in 1995.
Williams is rejoining the band which reformed in 2005 for artistic reasons, citing a lack of musical differences that left him with no choice but to rejoin the band.
The singer said he was “embarrassingly excited” about reuniting with his former group explaining, “there are not many overweight thirty-six year olds who get to join a boy-band, so I’m absolutely made up.”
“This is an amazing opportunity for me to spend a lot of time with people I don’t like very much for the sake of millions and millions of Take That pounds. Fans. Sorry, I meant fans.”
However, the move has demoted Jason Orange from his recently-held position of fourth most popular Take That member, a role he has made his own over the last few years.
There are rumours that such a demotion might even force Orange to leave the band, a move which would make absolutely no difference to anyone at all.
A band insider explained, “Jason has got used to being the fourth most popular member of Take That. It’s how he introduces himself at parties. So this is a kick in the teeth.”
“There’s a big jump down from fourth to fifth. It’s like missing out on the Champions League by one place, to put it in terms non-Take That fans might understand.”
“Leaving is something he’ll have to think long and hard about though. He got left at a service station in 2008, and the boys ended up doing four gigs without him. No-one noticed.”