Nation’s underpants refusing to be worn by Jeremy Kyle

author avatar by 14 years ago

It emerged last night that the nation’s underpants are continuing their twenty-year Jeremy Kyle embargo, steadfastly refusing to be worn by television’s most accomplished moron-bater.

In an interview with The Guardian, Kyle told the reporter that he had not worn underwear for twenty years, and implied that this was of his own free will.

However, a spokesperson for the nation’s underpants claim that the decision was all theirs, and that the embargo shows no signs of abating.

The spokesperson said, “He may claim that he doesn’t wear underwear by choice, but a hundred million pairs of underpants will go to their grave swearing otherwise.”

“There is not a pair of underpants on these shores that would be willing to wrap that man’s arse, whether he wanted them to, or not.”

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There are rumours that the long-running underpants embargo has caused much distress among the trouser community, a situation for which the underpants are truly sorry.

“We realise that our industrial action has caused significant distress for our trouser brethren, and has forced them into a situation for which they are clearly not well prepared, but we had simply had enough.”

“Most people use their arse for simple matters of defecation and flatulence, but Jeremy Kyle insisted on using his to pitch ideas for TV shows and to interview imbeciles.  It was simply too much for any self-respecting underpants to take.”

“Skid-marks we can live with, but not the sort of depraved rantings coming from the arse of Jeremy Kyle.”