After the death of their beloved spiritual leader Grand Ayatollah Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah, Hezbollah have announced that the search for his divine replacement will take the form of entertainment/reality search-for-a-cleric TV programme, Hezbollah’s Got Talent.
As Lebanon’s top Shia Muslim cleric, Fadlallah was seen as a key figure in the founding of militant group Hezbollah, and died this week at the age of 74.
“He was like a second father to me,” said one mourner, “Not that I ever got a card on my birthday from him, or that he ever came to one of my soccer matches, but he was pretty insistent when it came to ensuring I agreed with him on absolutely everything – just like my real Dad.”
According to one regional Hezbollah arms dealer, “The Ayatollah will be hard to replace, but I genuinely believe that ‘Hezbollah’s Got Talent’ will ensure we get the right candidate for the job.”
“I for one am hoping for a dancing rescued dog act, or a whole dance class who have fought against poverty and abuse – I do feel that only those candidates with an intriguing back-story in which they overcame severe adversity to be here have a realistic chance.”
However some Lebanese residents, such as goat-farmer Sami, feel that this particular format is unlikely to succeed in selecting an appropriate spiritual leader.
“How is such a holy leader of men supposed to demonstrate his leadership qualities in three or four short appearances where he could be buzzed off at any moment by an over-eager C-List celebrity?”
“I always thought that a big brother style show would allow for a more objective assessment of their spiritual credentials, rather than a knee-jerk stage-show format.”