David Cameron has told Nick Clegg that he will probably try and get round to organising a vote on electoral reform next year, but he’s really busy at the moment what with trying to run the country and everything so could he please stop going on about it.
With electoral reform just about the only thing Nick demanded in order to jump into bed with David, some experts are suggesting that now David has got what he wanted, the incentive for electoral reform has all but disappeared – something the government has strenuously denied.
A government statement read, “Next year there will almost certainly be the referendum Nick so desperately wants, probably. Just as long as we can take care of all this other stuff like stopping the country flushing itself down the toilet.”
“What Nick wants is really important to us, honestly, we just feel that to make any definite plans at this stage is a bit silly when so much could change – why put extra pressure on ourselves? But we’re still definitely committed to this relationship, and we’ll happily look at the situation again next year. We promise.”
Conservative back-benchers are unhappy at the pressure Nick is trying to put on the prime minister, with one MP telling us, “Nick knew what he was getting into and what David was like, but clearly he thought he could change him. Nut now it’s been made quite clear, money’s a bit tight and he’s got a lot on, so maybe next year.”
“Nick doesn’t realise that David’s under a lot of pressure, and he really shouldn’t be adding to it right now. Why can’t he just be pleased with how things are going right now and let us cross that bridge when we get to it?”
The stalling tactics have left many Liberal Democrats unhappy, with many suggesting that they saw this coming all along.
Former part leader Charles Kennedy told us, “I knew this would happen, I told Nick that as soon as he gave up what David wanted, his chances of getting a proper commitment would diminish immediately.”
“We all told him, hold on to your flower, because once you give it away it’s gone forever. But he was smitten, and now look at him. David’s basically done whatever he wanted and is now off travelling the world whilst Nick is left at home pretending to look after the junior ministers.”
“Let this be a lesson to impressionable young politicians everywhere. It’s not you he’s after, just what you can do to help him gain a tawdry moment of political momentum”