by The Oxford English Dictionary is to carry out a thorough review of its entry for the word ‘Fair’ after its meaning has become confused following the government’s continuous use of the word to describe absolutely everything it does.
The review was prompted by several thousand letters from members of the public querying the term ‘fair’ and the way it has been used to describe the process of taking much more money from them, whilst simultaneously putting their jobs at risk.
An Oxford Dictionary spokesperson explained, “We currently list ‘Fair’ as meaning ‘just or appropriate’ in the circumstances, and treating people equally.”
“But thanks to this review we are considering changing this to – ‘an act carried out by a multi-millionaire that involves dismantling the welfare state and butchering public services while he furiously masturbates to a picture of himself stood outside Number 10’.”
Lexicon
The word ‘fair’ is not the only term currently under review, with ongoing government rhetoric forcing dictionary makers to consult their existing definitions for many other words.
Lexicographer and Countdown Dictionary Corner resident Susie Dent explained, “There also seems to be some similarities between the government’s use of the word ‘Tough’ and our description for the word ‘Unnecessary’.”
“We’re not sure whether it would make more sense to change their definitions, or to just reclassify them as synonyms.”
Critics of the government’s overuse of the word ‘Fair’ have suggested that its excessive use combined with the hypnotic qualities of David Cameron’s oversized forehead have effectively conned the the British public into believing that every change made by the government is actually for the good of the nation – an allegation strenuously denied by number 10.
“To suggest that the Prime Minister is trying to hypnotise the nation into thinking that its all for their own good is quite frankly preposterous!” concluded a government spokesman stood in front of a whirling fractal generator.
