Universities still full of poor people, says Minister

author avatar by 14 years ago

The university system is still so full of poor people that it is in need of “radical change” to eliminate this burden on the tax payer, the universities minister David Willetts has told reporters.

Willetts said Labour had left the university system ‘riddled with working class students’, and that this would need to be addressed by a coalition needing to make £700m in savings.

He said, “We have spent the last few weeks saying that the nation is living beyond its means, and clearly we were a little too subtle with that message, but yes, we were talking mainly about the poor people in our nation’s universities.”

“Despite not having two pennies to rub together these poor people continue to insist on applying for places at academic facilities in their tens of thousands.”

“The burden of poor people in universities is one we all face, and the best way to get rid of it is to make it impossible for poor people to go to university in the first place.”

NewsThump Hoodies

“Tough times need tough decisions, and as a rule of thumb we would suggest that if your parents aren’t able to make a sizeable donation to your preferred institution, start looking for a job when you’re doing your A Levels.”


The move has been defended by coalition members not just as a necessary measure to save money, but as a step in enhancing the university experience for those still able to afford it.

Chancellor George Osborne said, “When I went to university I didn’t have to spend time with anyone from a council estate.  How hideous that must be.”

“I think it only right that today’s university students get to enjoy student life as it was meant to be – completely bereft of working-class influences.”