Across the country large groups of immaculately-attired horseback vigilantes have bravely proclaimed that they will not rest until they have apprehended and brought to justice the vicious fox accused of attacking 9 month-old twin girls in East London.
The girls, who are seriously ill but considered stable, were attacked by a fox which fled the scene leading to thousands of red-jacketed have-a-go heroes offering their expert tracking services.
One such volunteer explained, “That fox could already be as far away as the north of England, so it is imperative we arrange groups the length and breadth of the country to search out this evil attacker.”
“We have trained for years for just such an incident, and let me tell you, there is nobody better than us at bringing evil foxes to justice whilst blowing horns and looking spiffing.”
“Though I must warn you now, this search could last for years, with most Sundays from November onwards spent searching for him. We’ll take the summer off though, as it’s polo season.”
Huntsmen across the country have confirmed this latest incident shows what they have known all along, that foxes are evil and must be punished.
One hunt leader explained, “I am glad the world can now see foxes as we do – vermin that must be chased for miles and miles across fields and woodland before being torn apart by bloodthirsty hounds.”
“You either agree with us, or you think eating baby faces is perfectly acceptable. Which is it to be, hmm?”
“You know, you might find this all the more palatable if you just try to think of foxes as awful ginger dogs.”