£280k a year is definitely fair, says boss of Office of Fair Trading

author avatar by 14 years ago

Office of Fair Trading chief executive John Fingleton has told reporters that his salary package of £279,999 is definitely fair, and that if anyone should know exactly what amount is fair, then it would be him.

His salary became public after the Cabinet Office today published figures detailing the 172 clearly deserving civil servants who ‘earn’ over £150,000 per annum.

After the announcement John Fingleton told reporters, “It’s literally my job to determine what is, and isn’t fair.  And I’m so good at determining what is fair, that I’m paid over a quarter of a million pounds to do it.”

“So I am obviously better placed than anyone to tell you whether £280k is fair or not, and so let me have a quick look.  Hmmm.  Yes, yes it is fair.  Very fair in fact.”

“I’ll tell you what isn’t fair though – telling people how much the person in charge of fairness earns.  That’s really unfair.  And I say that as a very well-paid fairness professional.”

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The news has come as a shock to many civil servants, who had previously believed that a career in public service could not lead to wealth beyond their dreams.

As one primary school teacher told us, “Is he worth more than ten times my salary?  Well, I suppose I spend all day threatening large numbers of poorly-behaved children with the naughtly step.”

“Whereas he has to go around threatening large numbers of poorly-behaved small firms and international conglomerates with the naughty step.”

“I guess the only difference between being a teacher and the head of OFT is that when you threaten a child, they sometimes take the slightest bit of notice.”

However, some thought Fingleton was worth the salary, with one civil servant explaining that, “I think he’s well worth the money.”

“I mean, Britain has a reputation for being the fairest nation on the planet, right? So we get to live in a society in which there is zero exploitation of consumers for corporate profits?  Oh.”