We’ll get better at abusing our new power, promises Government

author avatar by 14 years ago

The new coalition government has promised to improve the way in which it abuses its new level of power after failing spectacularly in attempts to remove Alastair Campbell from BBC panel show Question Time.

The new government told the makers of the show that they would not put forward a cabinet minister unless Campbell was removed, all without the merest hint of a threat or implied personal catastrophe.

As one political reporter explained, “This is the first big failure of the new government.  We expect our leaders to be able to abuse their power in the most efficient manner possible, so this was clearly a disappointing outcome from their perspective.”

A senior Labour official told us, “The last Labour Government was able to make a weapons inspector David Kelly ‘commit suicide’, yet these clowns can’t even force the BBC to amend a booking form.”

“It’s pathetic to be honest, and shows what a mistake the electorate have made by putting them in power.  A power they are currently wielding with all the finesse of an unruly toddler.”

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However the Conservative-Lib Dem coalition have been quick to defend their poor attempt at abusing the new powers that are now available to them.

Party Chairman Baroness Warsi said, “It’s been 13 years since we were able to wield any power, so it’s hardly surprising that we’ve got a bit rusty in all that time.”

“I think you have to give credit where it’s due, and even attempting to abuse your power this early into a new parliament is worthy of praise.”

“Give us a couple of years and we’ll have a record of abusing our position of power that will compare favourably with just about any post war government – including our own.”