The FA have told all member of Fabio Capello’s squad that their inane witterings and dull platitude-infested updates must only be published on the FA website during the forthcoming World Cup in South Africa.
Many professional footballers use social networking sites such as Twitter and Facebook to send updates to their followers in order to fully illustrate just how far removed from reality they actually are.
However, the FA is keen to ensure that during the World Cup, their website receives as much sheep-like traffic as is humanely possible, and has forced all squad members to temporarily cancel all other social network updates.
An FA Spokesperson explained, “If Wayne Rooney is going to tell the world, ‘I gone done a good kick at goal’, then we want that message to be on the official England website.”
“For some inexplicable reason the written words of footballers appears to hold the interest of millions, but fortunately, given a couple of hours most footballers can construct a reasonably coherent 140 character message.”
The move is seen by many fans as an attempt by the FA to stop the players having unedited access to the fans, preventing them from getting the real scoop during the tournament.
As one fan explained, “Do you really think the FA will let John Terry update us on how many women he’s banged in South Africa? No, nor do I. If the FA won’t let the players speak the truth, then I don’t see the point of having any updates at all.”
Another told us, “Ashley Cole has just had divorce proceedings begun against him by Cheryl, and we all know how he liked to chuck it about when he wasn’t allowed to – imagine what his updates would be like now!?”
“To be honest, if I want to hear dull, uninspiring updates on how the World Cup campaign is going, I’ll watch Adrian Chiles on ITV.”