Sky news anchor Adam Boulton is set to launch a murderous rampage through Labour headquarters after finally allowing his deep hatred of all things non-Tory to bubble to the surface during a live television interview with Alistair Campbell.
Boulton, who has spent the night sharpening his knives and muttering, “Kill them, kill them all..” is expected to eat the still beating hearts of as many cabinet ministers as he can before returning to Sky News studios to report on a great day for Rupert Murdoch and the Conservatives.
“I’m starting with that Campbell prick,” Boulton is alleged to have told friends.
“Let’s see him tell me to ‘calm down’ as I rip his lung out through his nose. Let’s see him spin that!”
“It’s about time someone killed a few of these commie bastards, and I’m just the sort of completely impartial journalist to do it.”
Sky News last night defended Boulton’s actions claiming he was under enormous stress, and that ‘wasting a few Labour ministers’ would probably be a good thing for everyone.
“If Alistair Campbell were to meet a sticky end, would it really be such a bad thing? If Adam were some how able to skewer the Miliband brothers with a scaffolding pole before giving them both a Columbian neck-tie, wouldn’t the world be a better place?”
Labour security experts have drafted in John Prescott, who has warned Boulton that if he wants a senior Labour official, he’ll have to get past him first.