Gordon Brown to claim election victory via the Duckworth-Lewis method

author avatar by 14 years ago

Gordon Brown is to claim victory in the general election after a number of potential voters failing to submit their ballots forced the outcome to be determined by the Duckworth-Lewis method.

In a deviation from the traditional ‘first passed the post’ electoral system, Labour have announced a revised victory target due to adverse voting conditions during their late-night seat chase.

A Labour spokesperson told us, “Yes, on paper the Tories have won more seats – but you’re forgetting the adverse voting conditions which mean we are actually only chasing 250 seats to win.”

“There were a large number of people unable to vote in constituencies in which we were competing, so after invoking the Duckworth-Lewis method we are actually on the verge of reaching our victory target.”


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An electoral commission auditor explained “There has been much criticism of the problems at many polling stations last night, and despite the completely baffling mathematical calculations, Duckworth-Lewis does appear to be a popular – but bizarre – method of deciding the winner in other competitive environments, like 20-20 cricket.”

“Obviously this method of counting votes should only used when supporters are unable to use their votes due to adverse electoral conditions – as is the case here.”

“Without a completely level playing field, there is a need to issue a revised target, and in this case Labour are claiming to have reached such a target.”

“We’re not saying it’s a perfect system, but it’s the only method we have – and now we look forward.”

A Labour insider concluded by saying that Gordon Brown was on the phone to the Queen, explaining exactly how the Duckworth-Lewis method works, “I can just about hear him, and he seems to be using a rather complicated analogy involving Corgis.”