Labour and Tories to form coalition to keep out Lib Dems

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The Labour and Conservative parties have announced that in the event of a hung parliament, they will form a coalition government in order to wrestle power away from Nick Clegg.

David Cameron told party activists “It might seem like an unusual strategy, but will be worth it just to wipe the smirk off Clegg’s face when he thinks he is at last getting into power.”

Gordon Brown agreed, adding “It will also stop the bloody Welsh and Scottish nationalists trying to throw their weight around.”

“Now I come to think of it, working with David Cameron should be similar to working with Tony Blair, and I put up with that for years.”

“At least we agree on Trident,” continued Cameron. “That’s a start.”

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Former Tory leader William Hague told reporters, “I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before. This way we both get to govern and Nick Clegg can try a few years of being Her Majesty’s loyal opposition – see how he likes that!”

For the Labour Party, Peter Mandelson explained that both Labour and Conservative manifestos contain promises with carefully-crafted get-out clauses, and no-one really expects them to be able to fix the current mess anyway.

Instead they would look at the Lib-Dem manifesto and take the literally opposite position wherever possible.

“Starting off by not having any form of electoral reform is a bit too easy, but I am sure we can find some actual policies to implement that will annoy them,” he said.

“How about a new coal-fired power station in every Lib-Dem constituency?”

“I believe that this is a partnership which will have the whole-hearted support of both Labour and Conservative party workers, who have so often complained of Lib-Dems splitting the vote and making their candidate lose.”

“We really did not realise how much we had in common, till now.”

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