American film giant 20th Century-Fox this morning announced it had secured the movie rights to produce a cinematic dramatisation of the UK’s first ever volcano disaster.
The film will look to accurately depict the cataclysmic effects felt in the UK after a volcano in Iceland, a thousand miles away, erupted sending quite a lot of ash into the sky.
“I recognise this might be a little soon, and the emotional wounds are still quite raw,” said 20th Century-Fox Vice-president Dwight Schultz III, “But it’s a story we are proud to be able to tell.”
“We could have waited a couple of years until the nation had recovered on its own, but this uplifting tale of one man’s fight against adversity could be what brings the UK back to its feet.”
James Cameron has been pencilled into to direct the blockbuster, and is excited about the opportunity.
He said, “It’s rare that a film-maker gets the chance to use his skills to tell such an amazing story without the need to revert to giant blue cats or sinking ships. I hope we can do the deal.”
Early drafts of the screenplay are said to centre around the trials of a London business man trying to get to a meeting in Edinburgh.
Schultz continued, “We like George Clooney for the lead role, I hear he does a great British accent. But it’s for his ability to portray real emotional turmoil that we want him.”
“Our hero sees his flight cancelled, and is forced to look for alternative transport, mainly by train – which turns out to take too long.”
“So he faced with a tantalising dilemma, wait at the airport and hope to get a later flight, or go back to the office and dial into the forecast meeting, rescheduling his face-to-face meeting for next Tuesday.”
“I’m not going to tell you how it ends, but lets just say you’ll need a handkerchief ready.”
HBO had expressed an interest in the rights, but were outbid by the film studios.
An HBO spokesman explained, “We envisaged a gritty 12 part drama with lots of swearing and shagging. But it looks like you’ll be getting a special effects wank-fest instead.”