Lenny Henry is to be withdrawn from television following revelations that most third world children find his biennial Comic Relief fund raising appearances to be utterly terrifying.
Henry’s appearances, which generally involve noisily chasing petrified children around dust strewn African villages, have been criticised for their adult tones.
One viewer who reported Henry to the authorities explained, “It’s completely inappropriate. Lenny is terrifying to most adults, and I say that as someone who’s seen him live, but to expose him to young children is simply irresponsible.”
However Henry’s agent defended his client claiming that, “His boisterous behaviour is perfectly normal for anyone who has ever seen him on television before,” clearly not recognising that most African children wouldn’t know a magic picture box if you fed it to them.
One recent victim of a Lenny Henry horrifying appearance said, “He came at me in my village and so I immediately offered to give him everything I own if only he would let me live.”
“But he explained he was here to give me things, not take them – which I didn’t believe for one second.”
“If that was the case, why would they send someone who instils fear into the hearts of everyone he meets?”
“He ran around making all the children cry but screaming something about getting more ‘nets’, which I assume he was hoping to catch them with.”
“He’s nearly as bad as that Irish tramp who sometimes comes over shouting at everyone asking for what little money we have.”
“Why can’t you just leave us alone?”