Facebook panic button ‘not for frustrated Farmville players’

author avatar by 14 years ago

Social networking website Facebook will not be installing a panic button for users to report suspicious behaviour to police after trials suggested it would be used when Farmville players were in desperate need of new equipment.

The calls for a panic button come after increased concerns over the use of Facebook as a tool for paedophiles to groom young targets between games of online scrabble.

A Facebook spokesperson told us, “We’re not denying there are perverts on the Internet, we just saying their targets are more interested in furnishing their online farmhouse than chatting to a supposed 14 year-old from the next town.”

“We installed a panic button linked to the police in a small sample of users to test its usage, and it the results were frankly disappointing.”

“We had eight calls to the police from people  desperate for building materials in Farmville, three because a friend wouldn’t stop tagging them in an embarrassing photo, and one because her online psychic’s prediction turned out to be extremely inaccurate.”

NewsThump Best sellers

“Is this what you want your police force to be looking at?”


Those involved in the trial said they felt comforted that the panic button was available, but were less than happy with the assistance give by the police.

Sharon Jones, 24, said “I ran out of fertilizer on Farmville and didn’t know what to do – I mean, these fictional vegetables stopped GROWING!.”

“But honestly the police could not have been less helpful, ‘has someone stolen your fertilizer’ this, or ‘are you using the fertilizer to make a bomb that.  They were absolutely useless.”

Another users, Paul Dyson, 22 explained, “I kept pressing the button – but only because I thought it was one of those games on Facebook where nothing seems to happen for ages but then you get rewarded with some fictional jewellery that I really like.”

“It wasn’t, by the way.”

NewsThump Best sellers