Canine eugenics tournament hailed as a success

author avatar by 14 years ago

A Hungarian Vizsla named Yogi has won Best In Show at Crufts, the annual tournament for those with a strong interest in the practise of eugenics.

The seven-year-old beat off competition from six other genetically-superior dogs in the culmination of the four-day show at Birmingham’s National Exhibition Centre (NEC).

Yogi’s handler John Thirlwell said, “This is vindication for the years of selective breeding experiments that I have undertaken.”

“With the ongoing elimination of the weak, I have developed a dog so genetically strong that I can finally stand here before the cameras today as a champion.”

“People will argue that it’s cruel to breed animals this way, but I say to them, look – nice shiny dog, and even nicer shiny trophy!”


Having set out to achieve what he wanted to in the dog world, Thirlwell is now keen to take his experience of dog breeding and use it for the benefit of mankind as a whole.

He told reporters, “Can you imagine how beautiful humans would be if you left me in charge of the breeding programme for a couple of dozen generations?”

“Imagine the shiny blond hair, the glowing blue eyes.  It would be amazing.  And then you could give me a really big trophy, a bit like this one, but maybe with a Swastika on the front?”

“The more I think about it, the more I wonder why nobody has tried this before.  After all, we experiment on animals all the time, and my experiments clearly show that my approach to breeding works.”

“Not only that, but there’s a huge trophy in it for you too.”