I’ll happily pay tax just as soon as I get my own way on everything, insists Lord Ashcroft

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Conservative donor and deputy party chairman Lord Ashcroft has admitted he does not pay UK tax on his earnings, but would happily do so, just as soon as the nation votes in a Government which will do everything that he says.

His statement ends years of speculation among opponents over how he was able to afford such lavish donations to the Conservative party.

“It makes a lot of sense to be honest,” said one Labour insider.

“If I didn’t pay any tax, I think I’d be able to donate a whole lot more, too.”


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The revelation has led to criticism among those people who aren’t wealthy enough to avoid paying UK tax if the Government isn’t behaving quite how they’d like.

Shane Meddows, 33 of Bracknell said. “I know Dave down the road tried it, by not paying his council tax until the council agreed to start collecting the rubbish on his street at least once a week.”

“But he’s in prison now for non-payment of his council tax, so maybe he should have taken a lesson from Lord Ashcroft on the best way to avoid paying tax as a protest against politicians doing stuff you don’t like.”

“Personally, I think will now be declaring myself and as one of these ‘non doms’ should the Tories win.  But unusually, I will continue to be based in Bracknell.”

Record straight

Lord Ashcroft himself was keen to set the record straight, “I fully believe in the democratic process where I can use my not inconsiderable wealth to influence the outcome of elections in places where I don’t contribute financially.”

“I do realise that sounds a bit ‘bond villain-ish’, but rest assured, I will happily start paying tax as soon as my investment pays off.”

“I mean, why would you pay taxes even when the Government does lots of ghastly things you don’t agree with?”

“If you don’t agree with the Government, couldn’t you just live in one of your foreign homes?  It does surprise me that everyone continues to live in the UK even when they don’t get their own way.”

“I suppose this is what they’re referring to when they talk about ‘voter apathy’?”

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