Director general of the BBC, Mark Thompson, has told the nation that the continuing repeats of Only Fools and Horses are completely safe, despite cuts that will see the end of BBC 6 Music and the Asian Network.
Speaking to staff, Mr Thompson insisted that the move was not a knee-jerk reaction to recent criticism of the corporation, and that he had definitely planned to make all of these cuts before the Conservatives had even mentioned it.
He told staff, “You have to remember that we don’t stop funding something just because a lot of people think it’s rubbish – otherwise we’d never have made a second series of Two Pints of Lager.”
“We’re happy putting money behind unpopular projects, we just have to ensure that the Government, well, the next Government, is happy for me to still be the boss if we do.”
Thompson defended the decision, citing the fact that there are still some people yet to see many of the classic Only Fools and Horses episodes, and that this should take priority over new music and entertaining radio shows.
“Recent figures show that there are several dozen people who have yet to see that one where Grandad loosens the bolt for the wrong chandelier, and we see it as our duty to keep showing it until everyone knows the words to that episode by heart.”
“I’m sure you will agree that seeing Grandad make such calamitous, yet ultimately hilarious, mistake is more important than a few hundred thousand people listening to Adam and Joe on a Saturday morning? Right? I mean, I’ve listened to that show, and I just don’t get it.”
“I know this move might prove unpopular on the Internet, but most importantly of all, it means I get to keep my job. For now.”