England supporters were last night panicking after Wayne Bridge’s international retirement moved Phil Neville up one place in the pecking order for a left-back berth at the World Cup.
Bridge withdrew from England consideration stating his presence in the squad would make it difficult for John Terry to tell the younger players about all the birds he’s had it off with.
However, the move has elevated Phil Neville to 11th in line for the England left-back birth, ensuring the team is now one significant ‘accident’ from fielding Neville during this summer’s World Cup finals.
Long time England supporter Jeff Beale told of his dismay, “This is terrible, terrible news.”
“I feel for Wayne Bridge, I really do – but this is Phil Neville we’re talking about. Philip Fucking Neville.”
“I’d rather watch Bridge and Terry spend 90 minutes shouting snide remarks about each other’s penises than have Phil Neville in the team.”
The elevation of Neville to England consideration is one of the previously unseen side effects of a wayward John Terry penis.
Another fan told us, “I’m sure that lining up alongside Phil Neville wasn’t on his mind at the time – unless he was trying to slow himself down – but this is where John Terry’s genitals have got us.”
“I mean, has everyone forgotten Euro 2000? I don’t care if there are ten players ahead of Neville in the pecking order, the fact he’s even on the list is cause enough for panic among the supporters.”
“Is Kenny Sansom still playing? He could do a job there, definitely.”