Two Britons were arrested in India yesterday after admitting that they like to spend their spare time watching aeroplanes from afar and excitedly noting their tail numbers in a series of battered notebooks.
Railway workers Stephen Hampton, 46, and Steven Ayres, 56, both from Bristol, have been released on bail after being charged with boring the living shit out of investigating officers.
An Indian police spokesperson said, “They didn’t even pretend to be doing something exciting like reconnaissance for a terrorist atrocity.”
“In truth, they were actually quite brazen about the banal nature of their true intentions.”
British officials are said to be doing everything they can to make the arrest sound more interesting before securing the release of Mr Hampton and Mr Ayres.
A Foreign Office spokesperson explained, “We’ve politely suggested that they say they were researching a movie, looking for a kidnapped relative or even planning a complex con on a greedy businessman.”
“But no, time and time again they insist they were merely looking at plane tail numbers and adding those numbers to a long list of plane numbers that they have been collecting for several years.”
An Indian Government spokesperson explained the reasons behind the arrest, telling reporters, “We have a large tourism industry to consider, you know.”
“We are a country rich in cultural heritage, with sights, sounds and culinary delights that could change your life, yet these men chose to ignore all that and sit in a hotel writing down a series of plane numbers like a really really boring Rain Man.”
“Having holiday makers choose to do this rather than explore our nation is obviously not an image we are looking to foster.”
“They have made us look boring by association, so yes, unless they come up with a more interesting excuse for spending their entire Indian holiday in a budget hotel room we intend to pursue them to the full extent of the law.”